Guilty Pleasure 10: Young Einstein

The summer of 1989 was an incredible year for the movies. Among the films out that year were "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," "Ghostbusters II," "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids," and "When Harry Met Sally." But one studio in particular had a plan for how to rule the summer. That was Warner Brothers. They would dominate the first half of the summer with a little film called "Batman," and that they did. As for the second half of the summer, they looked to an Australian known as Yahoo Serious.

Well, "Young Einstein" didn't exactly set the sort of records the caped crusader did, though it was a moderate success. It is certainly one of the oddest offerings from a major studio during that historic summer.

Yahoo Serious, who was apparently possessed by the same demon of hair care that has long tormented the poor soul known as Carrot Top, plays a fictionalized (to say the least) version of Albert Einstein. Through the course of the film Einstein invents a formula for splitting beer atoms, creates rock n roll and designs the first surf board.

There's nothing really laugh-out-loud funny about the movie, but it's hard not to like. In many ways, the exaggerated behavior of most of the cast, not to mention the physical humor, points to some influence from the days of silent comedies. The level of humor is nowhere near what Chaplin or Keaton could pull off, but it brings a certain innocence that just brings a smile to my face.

I guess the world wasn't completely ready for Yahoo Serious. He's only made a few other films to date and none have had as big a release as this one did. In the years that have passed he's tried some other activities, though, like suing Yahoo for stealing his name. I'll give you one guess how that one turned out.

Guilty Pleasure 9: The Legend of Billie Jean

Summer 1986 was when cable TV first came to Wheaton, IL. So the movies that we watched endlessly on cable that summer were the films out in theaters the previous summer...including one of 1985's big bombs, "The Legend of Billie Jean." It's a movie that many people seem to want to forget. According to Wikipedia, it's original VHS video release shortly after the film's brief theatrical run is the only home video release the film has ever had. It has yet to appear on DVD. However, through the magic of Netflix and their "view instantly" feature, Billie Jean can be experienced via the internet. It is definitely one of my guilty pleasures.

It stars Helen Slater (who has already made an appearance in my list of "guilty pleasures" thanks to her role as Supergirl) as a girl who ends up accidentally becoming the most wanted criminal in Corpus Christi, TX. It all starts when her brother, played by Christian Slater (no relation to Helen), gets in a fight with some local jerks which results in his prized scooter being trashed. When Billie Jean tries to collect the money for the repairs from the boy's father...well, he has other things on his mind when it comes to Bille Jean. Long story short, he gets accidentally shot and Billie Jean, her brother, and some friends take it on the lam. Eventually, Billie Jean ends up becoming a sort of celebrity criminal with the public gladly cheering her on.

The story is really pretty silly. These "criminals" hang out in a distinct looking vehicle, in wide open spaces, yet nobody seems to be able to find them. The movie is just plain unbelievable, right down to both Slater's overdoing the Texas twang. The worst part of the movie is the character played by Yeardley Smith, the future voice of Lisa Simpson. She was 21 years old at the time of the film's release, but is playing a part that seems to have been written for an 11 year old.

So what makes the film likable? Well, for one, just like with "Supergirl," Ms. Slater is just irresistible to watch...especially for a 15 year old boy, as I was when I first saw the film. Adolescent hormones aside, and despite the accent issues, she really can draw you into a film. And of course, when you're a teenager, a film about a bunch of your peers taking matters into their own hands has a certain appeal. It's the same reason why a movie like "Home Alone" or the Our Gang shorts have such an appeal with younger kids. It's that built in desire to stick it to the man.

So Billie Jean, it's good to see you pop up on Netflix, it's about time. After all..."fair is fair." (That's a famous quote from the movie...see how I worked that in there...because...see it's...never mind).

Guilty Pleasure 8: Dune

When "Dune" was released at Christmas 1984 I avoided it like the plague. It looked creepy... and it had that new rating, PG-13. I wasn't sure what to make of that. The film was not well received when it was released, in fact Siskel & Ebert declared it the worst film of 1984 on one of their end of the year episodes. I finally checked the film out as an adult, while I agree the film has some major problems, I keep finding myself returning for another look every year or so.

The film is based on Frank Herbert's 1965 sci-fi novel. The book is challenging to say the least. It's a complicated mix of sci-fi, religion and politics that leaves many readers scratching their heads while just as many others cheer it's greatness.

In the director's chair was David Lynch. Yes that David Lynch, the man behind such strange creations as "Blue Velvet," and the TV series "Twin Peaks." But "Dune" was only his third film, following his bizarre debut "Eraserhead" and the more mainstream "The Elephant Man." It was certainly his most ambitious project to date. Lynch took on writing the screenplay as well, anyone who has read the book knows that many would prefer the Chinese water torture over such an assignment. Much of the screenplay works well, while other parts, especially the overuse of our being able to hear the characters thoughts, do not.

My suspicions in 1984 were true, the film is is creepy. Imagine that, a creepy David Lynch film (that's sarcasm by the way). In fact, Lynch takes the creepiest elements of Herbert's book and cranks the creep-factor up to 11. For example, the book's main villain, Barron Harkonnen is one of the most vicious and vile villains I've ever encountered in print. In the film he's much worse, played by Kenneth McMillan as a cackling, slobbering mad man covered in disgusting sores.

Certain elements of the film do work really well. I love the opening of the movie in which Virginia Madsen as Princess Irulan gives us the back story. It echoes the tone of the book in which each chapter begins with a quote from one of Irulan's many writings on the events depicted. Kyle MacLachlin (a Lynch favorite in his first film) is well cast as Paul Atreides, as is future Law & Order girl Alicia Witt as the scariest 8 year old in the universe, Alia. Best of all is the unique costumes and set design which contribute to setting a distinct tone for each of the three "houses" that figure prominently in the story.

Several different versions of the film have popped up over the years. An "extended edition" clocks in at 40 minutes longer than the theatrical cut and thoroughly complicates the already complicated story. Lynch disowned this version of the film which lists "Alan Smithee" as it's director and "Judas Booth" as screenwriter. For that matter, Lynch has pretty much disowned the theatrical version as well. He rarely speaks of the movie and according to Wikipedia he is quoted as having said that he "probably shouldn't have done that picture."

"Dune" is intriguing but flawed and is certainly far from being the worst film of 1984.

Guilty Pleasure 7: Popeye

I remember the Christmas my family got it's first VCR, the first movie we recorded off of TV a few days after Christmas was "Popeye." I haven't done a guilty pleasure movie article for awhile, but since "Popeye" came around on my Netflix que it seemed like a a good one to highlight.

Released in 1980, this film brings the world of Popeye to live action. The casting is brilliant...Robin Williams as Popeye, Shelley Duvall as Olive Oyl, Ray Waltson as Poopdeck Pappy...all inspired choices. The supporting cast is also great, including many very physical actors bringing some of the lesser known characters from the Popeye comic universe to life. The one odd personnel choice is not in the acting category, but rather the choice of director...Robert Altman.




Altman is considered by many to be one of the greatest American directors of all time. I'll give him that for movies like "M*A*S*H" and "Nashville," but he's also had some disasters ("Pret-a-Porter," yikes my eyes still burn). As good as Altman can be, he was an odd choice for a film aimed at a family audience. Altman is known for his films in which characters talk over each other, "Popeye" is no exception. To say this makes the film a bit hard to follow, especially for young audience, would be an understatement.




Still, "Popeye" succeeds in creating a world. The town of Sweethaven seems to exist in it's own universe. With the antics of it's residents, it is literally a slapstick cartoon brought to life.

Some call this film a mess, others say it's brilliant...I think it fits somewhere in between, but I enjoy it.

Guilty Pleasure 6: Legend

For his fourth film, director Ridley Scott decided to create a faerie tale. The result was "Legend," a film that was not well received at the time of it's release, but has since developed a bit of a cult following and has become somewhat legendary itself because of stories of production troubles and multiple versions of the film.

The story follows Jack, a forest dweller played by Tom Cruise, who is in love with a princess named Lilly, played by Mia Sara (file under celebrity crush of 1986-87). Jack takes Lilly to see some unicorns, she ignores his instructions not to touch them, this opens the door for a bunch of goblins to kill one of the creatures, and winter covers the land as the lord of Darkness, played by Tim Curry, launches his plan to extinguish the sun. Like I said it's a faerie tale, so the story is a bit silly. It's certainly the most bizarre entry on Ridley Scott's resume. At the same time, it has a great visual style, great sets, and some of the most incredible makeup effects ever...amazingly it lost the 1986 Oscar for makeup to the gross-out effects of "The Fly."

The production of "Legend" had a huge set back when the sets housed in the 007 stage at Pinewood Studios burned in huge fire. If that weren't enough, disastrous test screenings led to the film being cut down drastically and the classical score by maestro Jerry Goldsmith being replaced with a more electronic score from Tangerine Dream. To confuse matters more, a longer cut of the movie with the Goldsmith score in tact was released in Europe, while the shorter, Tangerine Dream version was released in the US. Both are now available on DVD. Both scores are very good, but they are also very different. Ironically, many movie music fans consider Goldsmith's "Legend" score to be one of the best of his career.

I seem to recall that on first viewing, I thought "Legend" was pretty dumb. But just like "Big Trouble in Little China" this thing was on cable TV like every day. I guess it started to grow on me. You gotta love Tim Curry's peformance as Darkness. Everything about it from the actual acting to the makeup design is over the top. Just check out that size of his horns, how could he even stand up straight!?! The great Billy Barty is also a standout in the role of Screwball, but the performance that steals the movie is Robert Picardo (yep The Doctor from "Star Trek: Voyager") completely unrecognizeable under tons of green latex as the gross Meg Mucklebones.

"Legend" was released on April 20, 1986 in the US, it was actually released in most of the rest of the world in the summer and fall of '85. Though it opened at #1, after disasters, delays, and disection, it never really found it's audience. It is interesting to note that if it had waited just a few more weeks to be released it may have achieved much greater success. It's hard to imagine now, but on April 20, 1986 Tom Cruise was not the household word he is today. At that point he had played supporting roles in films like "Taps" and "The Outsiders," but his only hit in a lead role had been "Risky Business." But less than a month after the release of "Legend" came "Top Gun," which launched his career to new heights. A few weeks after "Top Gun," actress Mia Sara also achieved greater success when she had a major role in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And... about a month later there would be renewed interest in Ridley Scott's work when James Cameron struck gold with "Aliens," the follow-up to Scott's "Alien." Had Universal Pictures been able to market the film as featuring the stars of "Top Gun" and "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and directed by the man that brought you "Alien," well they might have gotten a much bigger audience. Still, "Legend" does have a following. I guess one should never underestimate the appeal of seeing Tim Curry with goat legs.

Guilty Pleasure 5: The Wiz

Like so many others, my earliest movie viewing memory is watching "The Wizard of Oz" on one of it's annual showings on CBS. I tell my kids about this and they can't even fathom that we could only journey to Oz once a year. I love "The Wizard of Oz!" If there is such a thing as a perfect movie, Oz is it. I also have a deep appreciation for L. Frank Baum's original book "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz." A couple of years ago my daughter and I read through the book as our nightly bedtime story (I had read it once as a child as well) and it led to us tackling all 14 of Baum's Oz books. The world Baum created shows a man of amazing creativity, and I love watching the various interpretations of his most famous Oz story. The original book has been in the public domain since 1956, so many different versions have come out since that time. Which leads us to one of the most well known, "The Wiz."

Originally a Broadway musical, "The Wiz" debuted in 1975 with the film to follow in 1978. The film, which takes place in an urban Oz, differs greatly from the stage version, which was set in the same time as the original book. I actually find the urban setting to be intriguing, but it doesn't exactly make Oz into a fantastic place where you'd actually want to stay.

This is actually an odd time for movie musicals, "Grease" was released earlier in the year, and ended up being the highest grossing movie of 78. But "Grease" was also the last great movie musical before the long dry spell for the genre. So, in a sense, "The Wiz" is the genre's last gasp.

Watching the bonus features on the DVD actually offers some interesting insight into how "The Wiz" made it to the screen. Apparently a producer acquired the rights to the musical and was working to bring it to the screen when he received a call that singer Diana Ross decided that she wanted to play Dorothy in "The Wiz." First mistake, right there. Ross is all wrong for the role of Dorothy. Sure she can sing, but her Dorothy is whiny and irritating as opposed to the wide-eyed girl she should be. The rest of the casting is inspired, though. Michael Jackson, not quite as notorious in those days, is great as the Scarecrow. Nipsey Russell, Ted Ross, and Richard Pryor (as the Tin Man, Lion, and Wizard respectively) are no slouches either.

The film was directed by Sidney Lumet, who helmed films like "12 Angry Men," "Serpico," "Dog Day Afternoon," and "Network." So what happened here? OK, I'll just say it, "The Wiz" is not a good film. It lacks the sense of awe and excitement that should be present on any visit to Oz. So why do I list it as a guilty pleasure. I guess it ranks up there as an odd curiosity for me. Some of the songs are real downers, but I just can't resist some of the more upbeat offerings like "Don't Nobody Bring me no Bad News," "Ease on Down the Road," and "Everybody Rejoice/A Brand New Day." Though, I must admit, when the Winkies suddenly transform into the Solid Gold Dancers during that last song, it's a little creepy. I guess part of it is also just seeing a different interpretation of a favorite story. I'd love to see somebody take a stab at "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz," in the vein that the recent Lord of the Rings and Narnia films have followed. I doubt it will happen, though. Still, "The Wiz" is fun to drag out every now and then.

Guilty Pleasure 4: Big Trouble in Little China

In 1986 the world just wasn't quite ready for Jack Burton. "Big Trouble in Little China" didn't exactly set records at the box office during it's theatrical run, so like many people, I didn't see the film until it became a regular part of the cable TV rotation a year later. Even then it just seemed like a weird action movie. But as the years have moved on, it is clear that this action / adventure kung-fu ghost story monster movie was ahead of it's time.


Director John Carpenter was most associated with horror movies, having directed films like "Christine," "The Fog," "The Thing," and the film that redefined horror for a generation "Halloween." So Big Trouble was a bit of a departure for him. Ultimately, the film is a comedy, but that was lost on most audiences in 86.

The story centers on Jack Burton, a tough-talking truck driver played by Kurt Russell. On a visit to San Francisco's Chinatown, Burton gets caught up in a strange battle between the forces of good and evil when the fiance of his friend Wang is kidnapped by the immortal LoPan and his three henchmen, the Storms. Along the way they encounter kung-fu battles, sorcerers and monsters.

Jack Burton is the ultimate non-hero. Though the lead in the movie, he is clueless to absolutely everything that is going on around him. He thinks he's John Wayne, but he reminds me more of Link Hogthrob, hapless captain from "The Muppet Show" sketch "Pigs in Space."

The story gets more ridiculous with every passing minute. Less than 15 minutes in we have kung-fu fighting street gangs and are well on our way to encountering 7-foot tall ghosts, a guy who shoots blue lightning from his hands, giant underground bugs, and a drooling hairy monster. By the film's climax we've progressed to a floating head with 20 eyes. In a way, Jack represents the audience when he reacts to this strange creature with, "My God no...please...what is that...don't tell me." Yet, everyone around Jack completely buys in to everything that's going on.

"Big Trouble in Little China" has to be one of the most bizarre mainstream movies of the 80's. A mix of action, comedy and hocus pocus that, as long as you don't take it too seriously, is more fun than a six demon bag.

Guilty Pleasure 3: Kung Pow! Enter the Fist

In 1966, Woody Allen took a James Bond style Japanese movie and re-recorded the soundtrack to create the comedy "What's Up Tiger Lily." As technology advanced, it was only a matter of time before someone took the next step, not just re-dubbing, but actually using digital technology to insert new actors into an old film. That's exactly what writer, director, and star Steve Oedekerk did with 2002's "Kung Pow! Enter the Fist."


Much of the footage for Kung Pow is taken from a 1977 Hong Kong martial arts film called "Tiger and Crane Fist." Oedekerk plays a wandering warrior called "The Chosen One" who must train in order to fight the evil warlord Master Pain, who early in the film decides to change his name to "Betty." In many instances, Oedekerk's head is digitally placed over that of actor Jimmy Wang Yu, star of the original film.

Digital technology is employed in several other bits as well, including a Matrix-style fight sequence with a cow. Since this film, Oedekerk directed the animated film "Barnyard," famous for it's male cows with udders (read my previous blog post on that here). The man is clearly obsessed with all things bovine.

All of the film's dialogue is dubbed over the original voices, both from the original Hong Kong film as well as Oedekerk's new footage. One of the extra bonuses of the DVD is the "What They were Actually Saying" audio track. So we're able to hear that in the final film Oedekerk's dubbed voice says a line like, "...and that day I vowed to find the man who killed my family. Can you help me?" was actually spoken on the set as, "My favorite pie is lemon meringue, can you serve it?" Oedekerk also performs almost all of the new voices himself.

Every time I watch this movie my wife walks in, shakes her head, and says, "Are you watching this dumb movie again?" You men out there be warned, your wife will hate this movie. Don't even try to watch it with her. Have her go to another room and watch "The Notebook" or something, she'll thank you.

There are a few bits of crude humor I could do without, but most of the movie is silly fun. Some of the jokes have me laughing uncontrollably no matter how many times I've seen them.

Guilty Pleasure 2: Supergirl

In 1978, director Richard Donner unleashed on the world what I believe is his finest moment as a filmmaker, "Superman." 30 years later it is still possibly the greatest comic book movie ever made. "Superman II" arrived in 1980, and despite behind the scenes turmoil, including being partially directed by Donner and partially directed by Richard Lester, the end result was still a great follow-up. By 1983, however, the series was pretty much box office kryptonite after the disastrous "Superman III." But producers Alexander and Ilya Salkind had one more trick up their sleeve, a spin off film...1984's "Supergirl."

It seems that Kal-El wasn't the only survivor of the planet Krypton. In fact, quite a few Krptonians, including Superman's cousin Kara, are livin' la vida loca in Argo City, which exists in "Inner Space." What keeps the lights running in this place is a glowing croquet ball called the Omegahedron. When it goes missing, it's up to Kara to get it back. She follows it to Earth where it's snatched up by a wanna-be sorceress, Selina. When Kara isn't flying around looking for the thing, she's disguised as a mild-mannered student named Linda Lee (continuing the tradition of double L names in Superman) at an all-girls school in a small Illinois town where they apparently love Howard Jones music and eating at Popeye's Fried Chicken.

Helen Slater makes her movie debut as the title character, and she makes a good Supergirl. She was nominated for a Saturn award for her performance, but for all we know that could've been based primarily on the fact that she looked cute in a short red skirt and go-go boots. Seriously, her performance is good, but it's the veteran actors who ham it up. Faye Dunaway, Peter O'Toole, Mia Farrow...sure they don't have much to work with, but come on folks!

I've always had a problem with the sort of sci-fi / fantasy plot device they use here...there's some sort of magical object that spins and glows and we're all doomed if the good guys don't get it back. This is actually the same plot device they used last year for "Transformers." I suppose that film is not that different from "Supergirl." There you had a film that had a dumb story but was enjoyable because...well...who doesn't like giant robots fighting? "Supergirl" has the same basic dumb story, get the magic glowing thing, but is likable because...well...who doesn't like pretty blond superheroes, right?

There is a rumor floating around that Hollywood may have it's eye on making a new Supergirl film, but this one will always have a place in the "so bad it's good" file.

Guilty Pleasure 1: Flash Gordon

In 1980 it wasn't uncommon that I would spend a weekend at my grandparents' house along with two of my cousins who were close in age. My grandpa would often take the three of us to a movie during the weekend. We first saw "The Empire Strikes Back" on one of these weekends. Later that same year I looked forward to one of those weekends anticipating seeing "Flash Gordon." I got sick that weekend and ended up staying at home and being extremely jealous of my cousins who got to see the movie. It was many many years later that I finally got to see what would become a great cult classic of the 80's.

Of course, Flash is a character that dates back to the 1930's, but this version was pretty much a response to the success of "Star Wars," However, the two films couldn't be more different. Lucas' universe was lived in, it was worn. You won't find a speck of rust here, though. The general feel of Flash is actually much closer to "Barbarella" than "Star Wars."

The look of many of the ships and costumes are right out of the original Flash Gordon comics and serial films of the 30's. Other elements of the design seem like you're walking into a Yes album cover.

The acting is uneven to say the least. Flash is played by Sam Jones, who rumor has it was cast in the role because producer Dino De Laurentis' mother spotted him on an episode of "The Dating Game." Not exactly a promising start. Despite having an unknown in the lead, the film does boast some impressive supporting players including Topol as Dr. Zarkov, future James Bond Timothy Dalton as Prince Barin, and Max Von Sydow perfectly cast as Ming the Merciless.

But the casting highlight has to be Brian Blessed in a completely over-the-top performance as the leader of the Hawkmen, Prince Vultan. He's a bizarre cartoon character come to life as he bounds around in his winged diaper.

The icing on the cake is the musical contribution of Queen. With it's extensive use of synthesizers, pounding bass lines, and frequent repeats of "FLASH! Aaaaah," well, let's just say it's a far cry from John Williams.

"Flash Gordon" was not received well upon its initial release. The shadow of "Star Wars" is hard to get away from. But Flash needs to be viewed much like the "Batman" TV series of the 60's. The film seems to be intentionally campy with a healthy dose of tongue-in-cheek humor. For example when Zarkov and Prince Barin are blindfolded and chained in a dungeon, Barin delivers the best line of the movie…"Tell me more about this Houdini fellow." Simply put, it's meant to be ridiculous.

I've Just Seen a...really weird movie

There's something about being able to go to my friends and say, "I've just seen the most bizarre movie..." that I've always loved. I remember when I first saw "Napoleon Dynamite," a few days later a friend of mine asked what movies I'd seen recently and I had to say, "Man, I just saw the most bizarre movie." He then went and rented it and came back a week later saying, "That movie was really bizarre." So allow me to give an official "man I just saw the most bizarre movie" for "Across the Universe."

I'd been intrigued by this movie since I first heard about the project. The premise is simple...string a story together using classic Beatles songs. The end result is part "Moulin Rouge" (which is a good thing) and part "Rent" (which is a bad thing). The problem is this has been tried before and the end result has been known to cause seizures in lab rats. It was 1978 and the movie was called "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," it is one of the worst movies ever made...and, of course, I highly recommend it. Picture this in your mind, but I accept no responsibility for any brain damage that may occur. Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees star as Sgt. Pepper's band. It seems that Mean Mr. Mustard has stolen some magical instruments from Heartland USA, so the boys go on journey to get them back. Along the way they encounter a bunch of strange characters all of whom seem to have a way with a Beatles song that will have you begging for William Shatner's version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." Celebrity cameos are everywhere, including Alice Cooper, Aerosmith, Steve Martin, and Earth Wind & Fire.

"Across the Universe" does not suffer from the extreme level of camp that oozes from "Sgt. Pepper's," but it is interesting to note that both films use similar gimmicks. For example, most of the characters in both films have names that come from Beatles lyrics. Peppers has Billy Shears, The Hendersons, Mr. Kite, and Mean Mr. Mustard while "Across the Universe" features Jude, Lucy, Jojo, Sadie, and Prudence. It actually becomes somewhat distracting. The character of Prudence in "Across the Universe" seems to serve no purpose to the story other than as an excuse to include the song "Dear Prudence" midway through the film.

Both films also feature a variety of bizarre cameos. In "Across the Universe" we have Bono showing up as the leader of some sort of psychedelic field trip called Dr. Robert (another name from a Beatles song), multiple versions of Salma Hayek show up during a strange rendition of "Happiness is a Warm Gun," and Eddie Izzard plays ringmaster to a cast of strange puppets in a truly awful rendition of "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite." At least the puppets were cool.

The music this time around is much better, but the "story" twists around more than the guys at Cirque Du Soleil just to include over 30 Beatles songs. The visuals are certainly eye catching, but for every sequence that had me saying, "wow that's cool," there was another one that had me shaking my head thinking, "that's really dumb."

"Across the Universe" is not complete squeeze cheez like it's 1978 counterpart, but I'm not sure I can give it a thumbs up review either. Actually, I think both of these Beatles musicals I would rank as guilty pleasures. Most movie fans probably have several films that they just can't resist watching for the 27th time on TBS, despite the fact that they are a far cry from "Citizen Kane." Sgt. Peppers is certainly in that category for me, and I have a feeling that Across will be joining it.

This has me thinking I should do a series of blogs on some other movies I would call guilty pleasures. Stay tuned. How 'bout you? What movies are some of your guilty pleasures?